Unrequited
by Another Rambling Fangirl
Summary: An intensely private woman, Sharon Raydor prefers to keep her personal thoughts and feelings to herself. When her most personal thoughts about one Brenda Leigh Johnson become fodder for the rumor mill, Sharon is absolutely horrified. Matters are only made worse when Brenda confronts her about the situation. Written for the Mary Fic Fest.


_Author's note #1: Let me just start by saying, thank you for reading. This is my first foray into writing for this fandom in 2 years. Feedback is most definitely welcome and appreciated. [Seriously. I'm rusty and I want to get better, so any critique you could offer would be wonderful.]_

_Author's note #2: The characters in this story do not belong to me [with the obvious exception of Judy]. No copyright infringement is intended._

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><p><em><strong>Friday evening…<strong>_

A Friday night drink with Judy Wexler was such a longstanding tradition that Sharon felt a roiling guilt over having cancelled. But given the day she'd had, she knew she wouldn't be able to make it through a round of drinks without making a spectacle of herself. If she could hardly stand her own company at the moment, she certainly couldn't inflict it on other people. So instead of going to her favorite wine bar after work, Sharon exited the parking garage and headed for home.

The drive home was thankfully short, a minor miracle given that she had left work at 6 o'clock on a Friday evening. She focused all her attention on this fact, forcefully suppressing any other thoughts that attempted to surface. When she could no longer distract herself with thoughts about the relative lack of traffic, she tuned into 91.5. Better to focus on the opening of Rossini's _Semiramide_ Overture than to think about her own problems. It was certainly much more enjoyable at any rate.

Thirty-five minutes after she'd left work, Sharon was glad to find herself pulling into the parking garage of her condo complex. Making her way to her assigned parking space, she was surprised to see Judy leaning against the car she kept for Emily and Ricky's visits. She hadn't anticipated Judy being there.

Judy moved around the side of the car, coming to open the driver's door once Sharon had shut off the car. "Now before you tell me to go home," she said as she pulled the door open with a flourish, "just know that I brought a bottle of that Riesling you love and, honey, on the phone you sounded like you could use a nice glass of wine."

Sharon grabbed her purse and a thick stack of files from her passenger seat before exiting the car. She closed the car door behind her and paused. "You didn't need to come over."

Rolling her eyes at Sharon's characteristic attempt to change the subject, Judy huffed out a laugh. "I know I didn't _need_ to come over, but I'll be damned if I'm going to miss out on time with my incredibly busy best friend because you had a bad day. I also know that it'll do a world of good for you to tell me all about whatever made your day so terrible, Miss 'I dwell on things until I make myself completely miserable'. So here I am, wine bottle in hand." She wiggled the bottle at Sharon to emphasize this.

Sharon glared at Judy, irritated by her insistence on joining her.

"Don't you Raydor Glare me. You should know by now that it won't deter me."

"You're not going to leave until we've had a glass of wine, are you?"

"Nope."

"Why am I friends with someone so stubborn?"

"Because only someone as stubborn as me can put up with someone as stubborn as you," Judy said with a grin.

Sharon sighed, knowing very well that Judy wasn't going to leave her alone until she'd explained herself. "Alright then."

"'Alright then' you're going to humor me or 'Alright then' you're going to spill whatever it is that's making you so miserable?"

"I haven't decided yet."

"Well, at least you're honest."

"To a fault," Sharon said over her shoulder as she finally began to make her way toward the lobby.

They made their way up to Sharon's condo in companionable silence. Sharon appreciated that Judy didn't try to fill the silence. Instead she respected Sharon's need to prepare herself for whatever was going to come, offering silent support instead of a constant buzz of distraction. It was comforting.

When they finally walked through the door, Judy walked straight toward the kitchen. "We should probably let this chill for a little while before we drink it. And while I take care of that, you can go change. I know you must want out of those shoes."

Sharon set her stack of files on her desk with an audible thump. "Fine, bossy. I'll go change."

Judy came back out of the kitchen and settled herself into the corner of the sofa. "Hey. I'm just trying to make sure you make yourself comfortable."

"I know," Sharon said with a smile. "Just give me 5 minutes."

"Take your time," Judy called as Sharon made her way down the hallway toward her bedroom. "I can occupy myself until you're ready."

Sharon closed her bedroom door behind her with a soft click, her body weight ensuring the door latched properly. She needed to take a deep breath. Judy would happily take up residence on her sofa until she spilled her guts. They'd been friends long enough for Sharon to know this. There was no point in prolonging the inevitable. Pushing herself away from the door, she went about her evening routine.

She emerged exactly 5 minutes later, her blazer and dress exchanged for comfy yoga pants and a royal blue pullover sweater. Her face was scrubbed clean and her hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail. As she made her way down the hallway, she fiddled with the ends of her sleeves. Her nerves were already starting to get the better of her and she hadn't even begun to speak.

"Alright, Sharon," Judy said as Sharon settled into the opposite corner of the sofa and drew a throw pillow to her chest. "Are we going to do this the easy or the hard way?"

"Excuse me?"

"Are you going to volunteer information or am I going to have to pry it out of you?" Judy's tone was light, but her expression was serious. "I don't want you to feel uncomfortable. I just want to know what I can do to help you feel better, even if it's just sitting here to listen."

Tears welled in Sharon's eyes. She was so used to dealing with things on her own, to dealing with whatever life threw her way without complaint. She wasn't used to sharing her problems until they reached a point where she could no longer hide them. Judy knew all that and she still tried. Sharon had never appreciated that stubborn caring streak more. Forcing herself to take another calming breath, she looked Judy directly in the eye. "If I'm going to do this, you're going to have to let me tell it. No interruptions."

Judy's eyes widened, surprised that Sharon was actually going to offer information willingly. "I can absolutely do that."

"Swear it to me, Judy."

"How bad was your day?"

"Judy." A slight warning note edged its way into Sharon's voice.

"_That_ bad, huh?"

"Do you want to hear about it or not?"

"Wow. Okay. I'm shutting up now." Judy stared at Sharon, her brow crinkling with concern.

"Thank you. I just—" Sharon shook her head slightly, swallowing against the lump in her throat. Her arms wrapped just a bit tighter around the throw pillow, her fingers picking at the decorative edges. "Today wasn't just a bad day. It was honestly one of the most humiliating days I've had in a long, long time."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Several hours earlier…<strong>_

Something was off. Sharon could feel it in the air as she made her way from her office in PSB to the Major Crimes murder room. Usually her presence was enough to bring a halt to all conversation, but this afternoon she seemed to inspire more curious scrutiny and whispers than anything else. It was unsettling. But she had too much to do to worry about the reason for these stares. In all likelihood she probably had ink on her face or something equally as innocuous that officers would enjoy making fun of her for. She would ignore it for the moment and it would probably all go away by tomorrow.

When someone actually had the temerity to laugh as she went past, Sharon decided she would have to stop off at the ladies' room just to make sure her appearance was in order. She didn't enjoy being the center of attention and she certainly didn't enjoy being laughed at. If there was something quick she could do to rectify the situation, she would certainly do it.

Her brief look in the mirror revealed nothing out of place. Her hair still fell in perfect waves, her makeup was pristine, and her clothing had no mystery stains. There was no obvious reason for anyone to be laughing at her. Shaking her head, she tried to convince herself that she was being overly sensitive. _They weren't laughing at you_, she thought. _You just happened to be in the vicinity when they started to laugh._

She almost believed it.

Looking at her watch, Sharon realized she didn't have the luxury of more time to argue with herself. She had too much to accomplish before she left today to try and solve some kind of inane mystery. _What would it matter if they were laughing at me?_ she thought as she swept out of the restroom. _Let them laugh. What harm is it actually doing?_

Much more harm to her confidence than she was willing to admit. But Sharon needed to soldier on. Straightening her shoulders and smoothing the front of her blazer, she forced herself to continue moving forward.

She took a deep breath before opening the door to Major Crimes' headquarters. Entering the Major Crimes murder room was always an interesting experience. The hostility she invariably encountered wasn't new. But there was no question that those present were eying her with a level of curiosity they'd never given her before. She tried her hardest to ignore it, her steps even and her expression one of aloof detachment.

"Well, well, Captain Raydor," Provenza said, turning slightly at the sound of her approaching footsteps. "What a surprise."

"Lieutenant," she said with a brisk nod, hardly slowing at his greeting.

"Was there something we could help you with?"

Sharon did stop then, turning back to look at the elder lieutenant with a raised eyebrow. "No, Lieutenant. I need to speak to Chief Johnson. She's expecting me."

"I'd say she is," Andy Flynn muttered from his desk, his eyes focused on the file before him.

Sharon fought her natural inclination to ask what he meant by that. There was a level of heated anger in his tone she couldn't place. What could she have possibly done this time? She'd been trying to stay out of the way even as her audit of Major Crimes continued. Her brow furrowed in confusion for a moment before she was able to move on again. "Then I shouldn't keep her waiting, should I?"

She made her way through the open doorway of Chief Johnson's office, rapping her knuckles against the door to announce her presence. "Chief, I neede-"

"Come in and close the door behind you, Captain," Brenda said without looking up. She had a stack of files in front of her and a highlighter in one hand. She glanced up when she heard the click of the door latching. "Take a seat."

Warily, Sharon did as she was bade. She settled on the edge of her chair. Her heart rate picked up. She had instant flashbacks to being called to the principal's office in junior high school. The same feeling of dread she'd felt 40 years earlier when waiting outside elderly Mr. Hawthorne's office bubbled in her stomach now. But she couldn't let that waylay her. Sharon had things to do. "I just wanted to te—"

"Captain, are you aware of the rumor that has been circulating all morning?" Brenda asked, flicking her blonde hair over one shoulder. Her eyes lingered on Sharon's face, watching for something Sharon couldn't identify. She had the same expression she had when going straight for a suspect's jugular.

Sharon's panic response was building. She did her best to keep her face passive. It wouldn't do to allow Brenda to see her unsettled. "I can't say that I am, Chief."

"Well, allow me to enlighten you." Brenda threw her highlighter onto her desk and leaned back in her chair. She pulled open her candy drawer, reaching in and blindly grabbing a confection. She slammed the drawer shut once more and went about fighting with the packaging on her chocolate bar. "This rumor involves us."

"Oh?" The pit of her stomach dropped. All the awkward stares, whispers, and laughter took on a new meaning. She couldn't help but fixate on the fact that people really were laughing at her.

"Someone has been saying that the reason you've spent so much time trying to help me with this lawsuit is because you're in love with me." Brenda said as if she'd never heard anything so ridiculous. She broke off a square of chocolate and popped it into her mouth. Her direct stare belied her relaxed posture. She was watching for Sharon's reaction, testing the veracity of the rumor.

Her breath hitched. The color drained slowly from Sharon's face. Of all the possible rumors that could have been circulating about her, she hadn't expected that. She hadn't expected anyone to know, anyone to suspect. She'd been so careful to guard her feelings. She'd tried so hard to hide her attraction to the blonde. Apparently not hard enough.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Friday evening…<strong>_

"Oh, honey," Judy interrupted, her face contorting with sympathy.

"I thought you said you weren't going to interrupt," Sharon said, wiping at a few tears that had stubbornly insisted on falling.

"I'm sorry. But you couldn't honestly expect no one would ever find out. As good as your poker face is, you light up like a damn light bulb whenever you talk about this woman."

"No, I don't." Sharon's voice took on a pleading note. The look of pure sympathy on her friend's face was more than enough to confirm that she did completely give herself away. She hid her eyes behind one hand, bright patches of color blooming on her cheeks. "God, this is even more embarrassing than I thought."

Judy moved closer, laying one hand on Sharon's shoulder. She squeezed gently. "Sharon, you shouldn't be embarrassed to have feelings for someone. It's perfec—"

"That's not why I'm embarrassed." Her voice shook slightly as she tried desperately to reign in her emotions once more.

"Explain it to me then. What's so terrible about people knowing you have feelings for someone? Is it because you have feelings for a woman?"

Sharon dropped her hand and burrowed further into the sofa, almost as if she thought she could disappear into it. "How would you feel if everyone you worked with suddenly found out about your painful unrequited crush on a co-worker? How would you feel if you knew they were all laughing at you? I can tell you: not good.

"Everyone's talking about my personal, private thoughts and feelings, Judy. I can only imagine what they're saying." She couldn't bring herself to explain that the one protection she had at work, the one thing she clung to like a life preserver, was the fact that very few people knew _anything _about her. Judy wouldn't understand. She rubbed at her forehead in an attempt to mask the combination of dread and sadness she felt over the whole situation.

"There's more to it than that," Judy said with another sympathetic squeeze of the shoulder. Her voice softened slightly when she added, "I can tell. And maybe it'll make you feel better to share whatever it is."

Turning to look at Judy, Sharon swiped again at the tears the leaked from the corners of her eyes. "There is more."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Several hours earlier… <strong>_

Brenda Leigh Johnson had gotten very far in life by being observant. Preternaturally observant. Sharon was well acquainted with this fact. She'd spent more than enough time trailing after the petite Southern blonde to know there was no way Brenda wouldn't question Sharon's behavior regarding this rumor. What's more, Sharon knew that she wouldn't currently be able to deny the truth of it.

She wanted more than anything else for the floor to open up and swallow her whole.

"I've tried to combat this rumor as best I can," Brenda continued, her curious gaze boring into Sharon like a drill, "but I can see that maybe I was a little hasty?"

Yeah. The floor opening up would have been preferred to living through this moment. "I'm trying to help you because I feel you're being railroaded. I don't think you deserve to lose your job."

"But there's more to it than that, Captain."

No matter what she said she would end up confirming Brenda's suspicions. The color that had previously drained from her face came rushing back in a bright flush. She kept her gaze just over Brenda's left shoulder, unable to make eye contact. "I don't see how me doing my job is cause for suspicion."

"It's not." Brenda shifted somewhat uncomfortably in her seat, clearing her throat before leaning forward on her elbows. She steepled her fingers in front of her lips, her brow furrowing. It was evident that she was trying to think of something to say that wouldn't be immediately insulting or too insensitive. Sharon appreciated the effort though she wasn't feeling particularly confident in the end result. "It's just that…"

She couldn't stand to listen to Brenda try to be tactful. She had to interrupt. "I've been put in charge of this lawsuit. I work with your lawyer on a regular basis. I am trying very hard to find the leak in your division because it's a serious problem. These are all things I'm doing because they are _my job_." Sharon said it slowly, her voice a note too low, too composed. Her continued inability to make eye contact and the flush that only seemed to intensify did nothing to shift focus from the rumor.

"I notice you haven't denied that you have feelings for me."

Sharon said nothing. Her gaze dropped for a moment to her lap to stare at her tightly clasped hands. Her stomach churned painfully and her breath caught in her throat. Her entire body burned with embarrassment. Where was her usual calm, cool, collected exterior? The things she'd come to rely on in personally fraught situations had abandoned her and it was terrifying.

Brenda continued to stare at Sharon, her eyes scanning her face for something specific. The moment stretched on for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Brenda settled on something. "Captain, I have to admit I'm very fla—"

It was too much. Sharon interjected quickly, her voice still low and composed. "Please don't say you're flattered."

"Bu—"

"Just don't. It does nothing to help the situation and it's demeaning." Sharon burrowed her hands deep into her blazer pocket, trying desperately to hide their subtle shaking. She swallowed against the lump forming in her throat and tried to ignore the prickle of impending tears.

Brenda nodded once. "Can I just ask you one thing?"

"Why?"

The younger woman seemed thrown by Sharon's inquiry, but she didn't let that stop her from asking her question. "Why did you never say anything?"

Sharon cleared her throat. "Would it really have made a difference if I had?"

Brenda nodded once. For a moment she was silent, but when Sharon made to stand up, she couldn't contain herself anymore. "But wasn't it difficult to never say anything?"

Sharon fought against the nervous laughter she felt bubbling up from within. Now was not the time to laugh. Now was not even the time to answer. The answer should have been fairly obvious. Unsure of how much longer she'd be able to keep her fragile grip on her composure, Sharon stood up and smoothed down the skirt of her dress before pulling down on the hem of her blazer. "If you'll excuse me, Chief, I have some work to do. I don't want to take up any more of your time."

She didn't wait for Brenda to dismiss her, simply opened the door and walked back out into the murder room. Sharon didn't slow her pace, didn't stop to acknowledge the questioning stares of Brenda's team. She was almost back to the hallway when she heard the clicking of heels on linoleum hurrying toward her.

"Captain Raydor! Wait just a minute!"

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><p><em><strong>Friday evening… <strong>_

"She didn't," Judy groaned, covering her face with both hands.

"She did," Sharon confirmed.

Judy peeked between her fingers at Sharon. "And was it as bad as I'm thinking it was?"

Sharon couldn't help but laugh at Judy's antics. "I think it's safe to say 'yes'."

"Good God, Sharon. You sure know how to pick 'em."

The laughter of a moment before disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. A deep frown etched itself into her forehead.

"Oh, no, no, no! It was a joke. I didn't mean it," Judy said, trying to backpedal as quickly as possible. "Sharon. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. God, I'm such an ass sometimes."

"I don't think I picked her. Trust me. If I picked someone to fall in love with, I wouldn't pick a married woman who barely manages to tolerate me." Sharon took a deep breath and let it out in a slow exhale. The trusted calming technique did nothing to soothe her. "And please don't remind me of my past mistakes. _Please_."

"I am so sorry, Sharon."

"I know."

"I am a terrible friend. Oh my goodness." Judy slumped further into the sofa, staring up at the ceiling.

"Judy. Take a breath."

"That was a terrible thing to say. Why did I say that to you?"

Sharon leaned over, resting her head against Judy's shoulder. "Because you thought I was starting to lighten up. You forgot to take into account the fact that I dwell. Fatal error."

Judy chuckled at Sharon's self-deprecating joke, her laugh quickly turning to a sigh. "I really didn't mean it."

"I know that. I reacted badly. It's been a pretty terrible day."

"You weren't kidding about that. Speaking of…" Judy raised her eyebrows expectantly. "I think there was more to this tale of woe."

"Haven't you heard enough of this yet?" Sharon asked with a wince.

"Sharon Raydor. If you're going to start the story, you might as well finish it in all its terrible glory."

"Fine. Where was I?"

"She stopped you in the hallway as you attempted to make your escape with some shred of dignity intact."

"I don't think I put it quite that way."

"Semantics. Continue please."

"You're certainly eager, aren't you?"

"_Sharon._"

"Okay, okay. Fine, I'm going."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Several hours earlier… <strong>_

Sharon froze, her body language tense and her face as blank as she could make it. Unfortunately she knew her eyes always gave her away. If she could just avoid direct eye contact she might be able to keep herself in check. She just needed to get through this moment. If she could get through this moment, she would be fine. She would be able to go back to her office and bury herself in paperwork until it was time to go home. She could ignore the eyes of Brenda's team. She could set her feelings aside for a moment. She could do this.

Maybe if she repeated that enough times she might actually start to believe it.

Bringing one hand up to rub at her forehead, Sharon turned to face Brenda. "Yes, Chief?"

"You left before we could discuss whatever it was you were coming to talk to me about," Brenda responded, her voice dropping in volume.

"It can wait until Monday. I think it's best that it does."

"I would prefer we just discuss it now, if you don't mind."

Sharon took a deep breath and counted to ten before letting it out. "I do mind. Excuse me."

She turned to leave once again, hoping Brenda would get the message that she needed to remove herself from the current situation. Her embarrassment was getting the better of her, and she could sense that others were picking up on it too.

Brenda followed after her. Of course she did. Sharon wished that, just this once, Brenda would allow her the distance she needed. She wished that Brenda would put her feelings first. It was a fruitless wish.

Sharon made her way quickly and quietly toward the stairwell. It was surprising how few people used the stairs; but given how badly she currently wanted to avoid people, she was glad. She was just pushing through when Brenda finally couldn't contain herself anymore.

Stamping her foot, Brenda shot out a clipped, "You're behaving very unprofessionally, Captain."

That was too much. To be called 'unprofessional' by Brenda Leigh Johnson was too much. Sharon rounded quickly on her, her voice dropping to a dangerously low level. "I am trying _very _hard to maintain some level of professional behavior in the face of humiliation and open ridicule, so I would appreciate it if you would just _**back off**_."

The blonde Deputy Chief was dumbfounded, staring at her with her mouth hanging open. It was the face of genuine shock.

"If you'll excuse me, I have work to do."

Sharon left no room for argument, walking through the door and descending flight after flight of stairs until she finally reached her floor. Her relief not to have been followed was palpable.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Friday evening… <strong>_

"And that was it. I hid in my office for the rest of the day," Sharon finished with a sigh. "Now I'm going to hide in my condo for the next two days. I can't face any of them."

"I'm sure it'll all blow over by the time you go back to work." Judy tried very hard to sound positive, but she couldn't quite manage it.

Sharon smiled sadly. "This particular rumor will circulate for quite a while because it's a rumor about me. Everyone wants dirt on the Ice Queen of FID. The fact that this rumor's true just makes it hurt worse. I'll just have to live with it."

"That sucks."

"I know." Sharon sighed deeply. She didn't want to think about any of this anymore. She just wanted to take a break from everything. "Do you think the wine's chilled long enough? I think I'm ready for it."

"_Yes._ I'll get it," Judy said, shifting her shoulder as a signal for Sharon to move her head. "Should I just bring the whole bottle over with me?"

"Use your own discretion."

"Whole bottle it is."

"Thanks, Judy." It was clear from her tone that wasn't just thanking her for the wine. She owed Judy Wexler so much.

"Any time," Judy called back from the kitchen. The gentle click of glasses being set on the countertop was followed by the opening of the refrigerator and the opening of a drawer. There was silence as Judy opened the bottle with a gentle pop. "You know that, Sharon."

"Yes," she said as she watched Judy return to the sofa, glasses in one hand and the open bottle in the other. She took the proffered items when Judy held them out to her. "I do know that."

"Good." Judy settled herself back onto the sofa, pulling her feet up underneath herself. She watched Sharon fill both glasses. Picking up one for herself, she fiddled gently with the stem. "You're going to get through this. And then you're going to find someone who is actually deserving of your time and affection. I know that's probably not very helpful at the moment, but I'm going to keep reminding you until you end up with someone great."

Sharon filled her own glass and set the bottle on the table. She bumped her shoulder against Judy's. "I'm already an emotional mess. Are you trying to make it worse?"

"You're my best friend, Sharon Raydor, and I want nothing more for you than for you to be happy. You deserve it. If I capitalize on your moment of emotional turmoil to tell you that, so be it." Judy grinned over at Sharon, her sincerity shining through.

"You're my best friend, too."

"Excellent. Now that that's established, let's drink this wine, order some take out, and fire up the DVD player. You still have _Bringing Up Baby_?"

"Of course."

"Great. I know exactly what we're doing tonight then."

When they'd ordered their food, set up the DVD player, and settled back on the sofa, Sharon heaved a sigh. Sometimes it was nice to just hand the reigns over to Judy and let her take charge. Tonight she definitely needed that. "Thanks again, Judy."

"I meant it when I said it before: any time."

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><p><em>Author's note #3: Thanks again for reading. I'm thinking about adding a second chapter that will explore what happens when Sharon goes back to work on Monday. Please let me know if you think that's a good idea.<em>


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